I’ll admit it, i woke up crying thinking about how you’re going to leave. I woke up afraid of being alone without you. I woke up with my heart breaking because i love you, and i don’t want to be without you. I woke up in the middle of a nightmare, and that nightmare was me just losing you to nothing.

It’s strange how i could see you and be so happy, and then come home and you’re the same reason i cry my eyes out before dinner. I’m not regretting you, I NEVER WILL, i just don’t know how i’m going to live without you. I never will be able to, but i need to adapt to your absence. I swear, it will be the hardest thing i do.

You’re just so wonderful. And i have to continue life without you. God really needs to help.

YES. I know you’re wondering who Joshua is.

New friend, absolutely hilarious and makes coming home a lot faster than it actually is. We suit each other’s eccentricity.

But i assure you, nothing more than friends. He’s the type of person that you want to laugh with on the train. He’s got a knack for picking girls’ clothes. Self-proclaimed, i need to confirm that. But he seems to want me in stilettos, so i can prove i am some woman.

Praise Jesus, college is getting better. Making friends slowly along the way, and putting more spirit into studying. I see Takshi a lot less now, and that’s just SO sad, but at least she’s here. Carolyn is leaving.

But i don’t think i have many regrets. Spending as much time with her as i possibly can. She’s so fun now, and her siblings, barbaric as they are, are becoming a part of me too! I simply adore them, although they’re so BLOODY loud. xD

I really miss Dila and Ashikin. SO MUCH. Can’t wait for Kenny to confirm when he’s coming. Can’t wait for SASA events either! But i really don’t want Calynn to leave. I’m going to miss her like nuts. Caloryn if you read this I LOVE YOUUUU!

So anyway, i hope this wasn’t as emo for you guys as the previous ones. I’m different nowadays i guess, but not very much different. Just learn to accept me slowly, and it’ll all be great.

I’M IN LOVE, PROUD OF IT, AND MISSING LAURA! LOL, no, i’m not in love with Laura. But haven’t seen her since orientation.

BUT YES, I’m in love. KISSES.

When i’m waiting to see you, time takes forever to pass.

When i’m with you, time goes by like it never came.

Only you can change the course of my life.

And every time i read the romantics in literature, i think of you.

I want to be like William Wordsworth, in awe of everything you are and do.

And i don’t care how corny this sounds, because Miss Caroline officiated us as Romantics this morning.

I miss all my darling friends. Even Hitakshi whom i hug every day.

I miss Laura, who has to sit for exams according to UK time.

I miss you.

I miss you.

Don’t buy flowers for Valentine’s. They ruin the environment.

Paint my love.

Just two days ago, i was SO in love with you. I was looking forward to seeing you every time i possibly could and i wanted to spend as much time with you as possible.

So i made plans. But now when i see you, my heart breaks a little. We hardly talk. And i don’t get what you think anymore. Weeks ago, i could guess. And i knew you were happy to see me. But now it all seems so far away. You won’t even tell me that you care anymore. You’ve got so much on your mind that you won’t share, or let go of for me.

I don’t want you to be sad. I don’t want to be sad. I want things to go the way they should. You and i are meant to be. In love at least. But somehow, we’re not letting each other know. You don’t tell me you appreciate the things i do, and that makes me think you really don’t. And i’m so lost.

This is about you. It always has been.

You just cannot imagine how bad i feel after reading what you had to say. I’d be retarded not to know what and who you mean, so i’ll go ahead with this.

I’ve been in this kind of thing before, and i don’t think it’s wrong, although the world tells you so. I’m just too afraid of taking the next possible step because you’re leaving, and i’ve got a lot to leave behind.

I just don’t want you to ever feel useless or whatever negative energy you tend to feel because of what i say. I explained, it was blackmail. and now i know never to use it on you. I never intended to make you feel bad for not talking, or not saying what you wanted so badly to. I never want you to ever feel you have to start over, because thinking of life without you in it, makes me cry. Makes me want to disappear from the surface of this planet as well.

I adore you. Your every smile, word, it fills my heart with a funny kind of warmth. Something they call love. And i don’t know how i’m going to survive the year without that. I put on a tough front because i’m always surrounded with people, and i don’t ever show weakness, even if that’s all i am. And maybe that’s why you say i don’t feel what you feel about me. Because i don’t let myself show it.

I’m crying right now, because i feel you.
I love you.

College (kind of) starts tomorrow.

Damnit. I haven’t gotten enough holiday yet. I’m not content with just one month, and having had to do housework everyday, or going out and stuff.
And i can’t change any of that.

But one thing i haven’t gotten off off my mind is [Carolyn]. She’s leaving for Australia at the end of the month but we’ve got stories that haven’t ended. They won’t, i suppose, but i have so much more to tell. So many places to go. Jesus, be with me.

I’ll quit whining and start enjoying my memories. Christmas and New Year’s were EXTREMELY busy, but memorable. I got my first solo part for the Cantata! I don’t think i did very well or anything, but it’s a start. I enjoyed it. Went to Genting’s on the 28th with Takshi, Carolyn and her little funny bunnies. Adorable, i tell you.
And Noreen’s birthday! We gave her a sweet surprise and she loved it. I enjoyed the 31st of December SO much and i’d do it again anyday. The fireworks in church were lovely, but i’ll miss Fr. Martin definitely.

Happy New Year to everyone! Especially you ones that i love, because all of you just mean TOO much to me.

Love this Spanish thing.